THERAPUETIC

Yesterday I was emailing my friend Pinky and I asked her how she goes about dealing with hard times in her life. She gave me many good suggestions and they helped. I decided to do what I do best and scrapbook my feelings along with journaling. I spent two hours typing my life lessons for the last 3 1/2 years. I have been having a very hard time dealing with the suicide death of my friend Zach and us losing the trial against my pedophile ex boss who had raped him for 4 years. This first layout was very dark and showed how much anger and pain I am going through.
This second layout I have been working on today and just finished. I thought about how much my friendship with Zach really meant to me. How we laughed and cried at times while having one of our talks! I found this picture of him in my son's yearbook from the year that I met Zach...I love this picture! He looks so sweet and innocent and yet so devious at the same time...just how I remember him!

I have found that between typing a 10 page story about my feelings and doing these layouts I am starting to feel a little better...VERY LITTLE!! I know that Zach is not hurting anymore and that God will punish Daniel Brock in due time. I will continue to take Pinky's advice and hopefully heal! I do know that this entire experience has dented me and changed my life forever!

RIP Zach you will be greatly missed!

DRAINED

I am completely drained from all the drama that is my life right now. I just got back from a meeting with the team from the DA's office that they held for the people involved in the Daniel Brock case. We had a chance to ask questions about the trial. investigation and anything else we may have wanted answers to. There was just a handful of us there including some of the boys that were victims in the case. There was SOOO MUCH hurt and anger over the death of Zach in that room. We were read his suicide note and that just about killed me! This poor child took his life because he felt no one believed him, because his mother turned her back on him his entire life. She was more worried about what people would think of her family than the fact that her son was raped for 4 years by his principle. A so called Christian man who touched boys and molested boys for years. It kills me inside to know that Zach was alone and felt betrayed by his mother so he killed himself so SHE would not have to suffer anymore!
I am not sure how to deal with everything that I know! I am consumed by it. It haunts my dreams and my thoughts every waking second of every day! I have thought about these poor boys every day for over 3 years. What they went through, who else has been hurt since and how many kids will still be hurt by this man in the future! I just don't know what to do with all of this anger. I have been told by a therapist to channel that hurt and anger into something good! I just don't know how!
Please pray for Zach and all the people that Daniel Brock has hurt! Pray for all the boys who he WILL hurt in the future. For his two boys and for the families of anymore of his victims. I just hope that no one else feels so badly about this that they too take their own life to end the pain!

HEART BROKEN!!

Hello fellow bloggers! I come to blog today with a VERY HEAVY HEART!
While getting ready to leave work today I got a call from the DA's office with some very upsetting news. The boy that I have been going to court to help prove that he was molested by my former boss, Daniel Brock committed suicide! I had not heard from Zach in a few days and was a bit concerned. And now I know why!
I had told everyone after Daniel Brock was acquitted of all charges that I felt that Zach would do something stupid. I just did not know what it would be. I figured that he would either kill Daniel Brock or kill himself...unfortunately I was right!
I feel so bad for this boy. He has had a very hard upbringing and just could not catch a break. His father committed suicide when he was young, his mother was not that great (didn't even show up at the trial) and his past was filled with heartache and sadness. I tried to let him know that I would always stand up for him and behind him no matter what, but it just was not enough! The pain took over! I pray that he is in a better place and no longer hurts!
Rest in Peace Zach and know I miss you greatly!

SHOCK

Hello fellow bloggers and family!
Well the trial is over and he was found NOT GUILTY on all charges! I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!
For those of you out there that have no idea what I am talking about, a little over 3 years ago while working at a Christian school I was told by a few of the students that the principle(my boss at the time) was having inappropriate sexual conversations with the boys in the school. I of course told the people that I thought I was supposed to tell and everyone told me not to worry about it. Well three years go by and I get this text from my sister in law saying that my former boss is under investigation for having inappropriate relations with students. My husband contacted the local news station that had reported the story and I was asked to give an on camera interview of what I knew! I of course did it and was then asked by the DA to come in and tell my side of the story...which I did! Well yesterday was the last day of the trial and he was found not guilty of all charges. I was told that the jury all believed that he was guilty but they legally did not have enough evidence to convict him. Of course they did not get to hear all of the evidence in the case because our justice system. This man has been molesting boys for at least 10 years that we know of and is now free to do it again. My heart bleeds for the boys that I personally know who had to go through this. As a rape survivor I know how hard it is to deal with something like this for the rest of your life! God be with all the boys here that he may now come in contact with!